Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy can be defined as " a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not ; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion"

Yesterday, I saw myself to be a hypocrite.I saw that I was asking more of my friends than I was asking of myself. I'm allowing myself to do certain things while condoning my friends for doing the same.

Meg brought up to me how Nick was telling her that they were the only two who didn't talk about everyone behind their backs, and then he preceded to talk...about everyone behind their backs. When I first heard this I thought, "What a freakin hypocrite!" and "How dare he talk about us behind our backs."

Then I thought for a second. Don't I also talk about them behind their backs. I mean, right now I'm blogging about one of them. Then I realized how hypocritical I am. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Whatever. I guess we're all a little hypocritical.

compliments

A compliment is defined as "an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration ; especially : an admiring remark "

I've never enjoyed receiving compliments. It leaves me without anything to say and the conversation turns awkward. I try telling people who compliment me often to not do it. I tell them to stop feeding the ego. I feel like when my ego is fed too often, I turn into some cocky bastard.This might not be true, I just can't shake the feeling.

The problem with when people compliment me, is I feel I have to compliment them back. Sigh. I usually don't know what to tell them either. Maybe this is just me being lame. I don't know. All I know is, try not to compliment me...As hard as that may be.:)

information

Information is defined as "the communication or reception of knowledge or intelligence".

I told Abby about this blog, so I could get her to tell me about her theory she has.Sadly, that trick didn't work out for me. She's still unwilling to tell me her theory and now she wants me to tell her this url. I'm not sure if I should. It's not like I have any personal stuff on here, since I use this blog to analyze things in a general perspective rather than mention the specifics. The thing is, what if I wanted to talk about something I didn't want her to know about? Did I already speak of something I don't want her to know? I have to reread my posts to make sure.

I don't think I post enough to here anymore. I might make more posts later once my computer starts working in my room. I should probably give Abby the url. I'm not sure.

conversation

Conversation can be defined as " oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas ". Easily said, it's when two people talk to each other about random things.

Yesterday, I spent most of the night talking with Deanna. We spent all of the time just talking about random things such as stuff that we did, my job, and really why we haven't been able to talk in awhile. Not too long ago, someone asked me when I was going to ask her out. I'm not sure yet. It's not like I don't like Deanna. I actually do like her. The only problem is, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to ask her out when we're hanging out as little as we are.

I'm not sure what would happen if we started dating. Would her parents allow us to spend time together without needing one of her friends there? Would we be able to spend more time together? I'm not sure. And I don't think rushing into something like this is the right answer.

I guess I'll wait.

SIDE NOTE: I'm getting a computer for my room today. This will probably allow me to do longer posts or more frequent ones. I'm not really comfortable posting these in front of my parents, so I think it'll be for the best.

Censor

Censor is defined as " to suppress or delete as objectionable".

Last night and this morning I had made two posts onto this blog. I pulled them from the site minutes later. I've realized something. I'm not ready to share all my problems with this site even though I only have one reader.

Am I comfortable with sharing my problems? I believe not. My family has no idea with what is going on in my life and I have little reason to tell them.

I think the reason I feel I am not willing to share is that I have little knowledge on the subject myself. I might talk about it much later on, when things are resolved, but no promises.

Am I being hypocritical? Even though my blog's description says this is the place for me to discuss my problems, I feel myself unwilling to discuss them. I seem to ramble on about generic items that reveal very little by myself.

Don't worry. I might eventually change my mind.

origin

Origin is defined by Webster as "the things or persons from which something is ultimately derived and often to the causes operating before the thing itself comes into being"

Sometimes I wonder how I got to where I am today. What caused certain things to turn out as they are. What could I have done to prevent my screwups? Ultimately I wonder how my current actions will affect my future.

How do my small actions affect who I am? Can one simple turn, one small step, really affect who I become?

It's not like it matters. It just makes me think of who I am and how I got here.

decisions

Before I get started, I just wanna say I've noticed how frequently I've been posting. I will most definitely not post this often all the time, I just have alot on my mind and I want to get it out there.

Decisions are defined as "a determination arrived at after consideration".

When I was younger these decisions were so much easier. "What ice cream flavor do you want?" "What video game do you want to buy?" "What instrument do you want to play?" "What would you like to do today?" Seeing as the question was simple, I was able to make a decision and stick behind it. I never thought twice about my choice and I had little regrets.

It's obvious to me why I feel bogged down with all these things. When I receive harder problems, I take longer to decide. I feel that I'm still thinking about problems I came up with answers to ages ago. I have no way of changing the outcome, but yet I still wonder if I made the right decision.

My way for deciding is simple. I gather any and all information I can. Then I look at every side of the problem and I try not to miss a single possible outcome of each action. This seemed to work. With everything kept in mind, how could things go wrong?

I understand that this is impossible now. I'm starting to retrieve less and less information as each problem arrises. Since they're coming more frequently now, I have less of my mind to spend on each problem. Now I feel like all I do is worry.

I need to try and break myself of this habit. If I simply go with my gut on each decision I should be fine. If I can tell myself there was no way I could have seen that outcome, then why should I worry?

I bring this up because my friends have noticed that I have been acting strange. They tell me it looks like I have something on my mind. Once I can rid myself of this habit, then I can go back to normal.

One can only hope. I need some time to think.

"Live right now.Yeah, just be yourself.It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else." The Middle by Jimmy eats World

annoyance

Annoyance is defined as " a source of vexation or irritation". When two people don't hang out with each other for a long time, those two people may experience a change in wants. Simply put, with more time away, the more different these two people may become. Before you shout out loud, "ANDREW YOU'RE STUPID!", let me just explain, this may only happen some of the time, I just happened to notice it recently.

I used to be an active member of the local boy scout troop. When one participates in an activity, they usually make a friend or two, to pass the time by. You see, I was actually pretty good friends with this person. We'd hang out during meetings and have a good time just fooling around.

Time passes. Not too much though. Maybe a month or two. Now we no longer share a common activity, but we occassionally talk on facebook. Sadly, I seem to be slightly annoyed whenever we talk. It's not like he's an annoying person, I just don't really feel like listening to what he has to say. Am I a bad person? No. I feel just that even though we can still talk about scouts, its just a subject that doesn't interest me anymore.

The question is, is there any way one can fix this? Yes. I could find a common interest. I could try and gain interest. It's up to the person whether or not they will.

But why should you believe me?

"These words don't always come out right But I feel that were wasting time Are we wasting our time" Safe to Say by Vanna

friends

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines friends as "one attached to another by affection or esteem" or a " a favored companion". Friends are an interesting group of people. One must enjoy their company enough to hang out on a regular basis. However, when friends are of opposite genders, things can become extremely complicated.

If friends of opposite gender become too attached, it can start to confuse the vibe of your group. People start feeling awkward and friends can feel left out. When dealing with this type of situation, one must make sure they completely know what they are doing. If the relationship turns up sour, then the friendship may end between those two and may possibly break up the group.

I myself got into a similar situation. I did not realize she had interest in me, but i could see some small hints. Was it simply me being oblivious or did I choose to ignore them due to my crush on another girl(who I wanted to make sure I let the situation run its course).

I decided the best course was to hold off until I was absolutely certain it would work out before taking action. I enjoyed being friends with her and I didn't want that to go sour. Were it not for the other girl, I would probably at least try it out, but until things are free, it would be better for the both of us to wait.

Friends can be complicated. Make sure you know what you are doing.

Can you hear me? Stop, look, listen to my voice,It was never my choice to feel all aloneThis is my home Back up , you don't know if you've never been here, You've never been to the place inside, I face my fears It takes everything I am (Move by A Thousand Foot Krutch)

Confused

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines confuse as "to disturb in mind or purpose".

Today, I became extremely confused. One could argue that I do not have things rough. I get good grades in school, I bought a car of my own that is functional, and I am not abused or neglected. In order to be confused, one's mind must go from one mind state to another.

Before this summer, I was rarely confused. Problems came to me at a slow rate, a rate at which I could take that problem and deal with it.

Seems as if things are getting complicated and its all my fault. I guess I can't help it being lame. I have to make a decision and quickly. Should I take an easy route, one that will surely end in success? Or should I take the hard road, one that will be riddled with difficulties, but may end up better.

I need to remember to leave my options open.

"So here's to another better year,we've crossed that thin line,don't try to hold us here,If for just this once you'd think of us,I hope you're happy with yourself" NJ Iced Tea by A day to Remember