vain

Vain is defined as " having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements"

Recently I've noticed how vain I am. Whenever someone is having a problem, my first automatic guess is to assume its because of me. When people write facebook statuses, I assume its about me. Shortly later, I remind myself how egotistical I'm being.

I assume this activity is normal. It is only human nature to assume the world revolves around them. When I was much younger, I had assumed everyone sees what I can see because I can't see what they're seeing. I then proceeded to laugh at my sister for not having a viewpoint of her own which made my family very confused.

The reason I automatically assume its about me is since I usually have no reason to believe its not. I know for a fact that people don't tell me everything that's going on in their life and I'm glad they don't because I would get extremely bored hearing them go on and on about stuff I couldn't give a rat's ass about.

Would I like to know some of the shit that's going on? Hell to the yes. I'm a curious person. What can I say? Will people fill me in? Probably not and if they don't want to, they don't have to.

Whatever. Maybe I'm just rambling on a topic I don't know about again. If I am, please ignore this post and just assume it was just me mashing on the keyboard when I was bored. Who knows, this post could have been typed when I was actually asleep. I wouldn't put too much weight in it.

Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy can be defined as " a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not ; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion"

Yesterday, I saw myself to be a hypocrite.I saw that I was asking more of my friends than I was asking of myself. I'm allowing myself to do certain things while condoning my friends for doing the same.

Meg brought up to me how Nick was telling her that they were the only two who didn't talk about everyone behind their backs, and then he preceded to talk...about everyone behind their backs. When I first heard this I thought, "What a freakin hypocrite!" and "How dare he talk about us behind our backs."

Then I thought for a second. Don't I also talk about them behind their backs. I mean, right now I'm blogging about one of them. Then I realized how hypocritical I am. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Whatever. I guess we're all a little hypocritical.

compliments

A compliment is defined as "an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration ; especially : an admiring remark "

I've never enjoyed receiving compliments. It leaves me without anything to say and the conversation turns awkward. I try telling people who compliment me often to not do it. I tell them to stop feeding the ego. I feel like when my ego is fed too often, I turn into some cocky bastard.This might not be true, I just can't shake the feeling.

The problem with when people compliment me, is I feel I have to compliment them back. Sigh. I usually don't know what to tell them either. Maybe this is just me being lame. I don't know. All I know is, try not to compliment me...As hard as that may be.:)

information

Information is defined as "the communication or reception of knowledge or intelligence".

I told Abby about this blog, so I could get her to tell me about her theory she has.Sadly, that trick didn't work out for me. She's still unwilling to tell me her theory and now she wants me to tell her this url. I'm not sure if I should. It's not like I have any personal stuff on here, since I use this blog to analyze things in a general perspective rather than mention the specifics. The thing is, what if I wanted to talk about something I didn't want her to know about? Did I already speak of something I don't want her to know? I have to reread my posts to make sure.

I don't think I post enough to here anymore. I might make more posts later once my computer starts working in my room. I should probably give Abby the url. I'm not sure.

conversation

Conversation can be defined as " oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas ". Easily said, it's when two people talk to each other about random things.

Yesterday, I spent most of the night talking with Deanna. We spent all of the time just talking about random things such as stuff that we did, my job, and really why we haven't been able to talk in awhile. Not too long ago, someone asked me when I was going to ask her out. I'm not sure yet. It's not like I don't like Deanna. I actually do like her. The only problem is, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to ask her out when we're hanging out as little as we are.

I'm not sure what would happen if we started dating. Would her parents allow us to spend time together without needing one of her friends there? Would we be able to spend more time together? I'm not sure. And I don't think rushing into something like this is the right answer.

I guess I'll wait.

SIDE NOTE: I'm getting a computer for my room today. This will probably allow me to do longer posts or more frequent ones. I'm not really comfortable posting these in front of my parents, so I think it'll be for the best.

Censor

Censor is defined as " to suppress or delete as objectionable".

Last night and this morning I had made two posts onto this blog. I pulled them from the site minutes later. I've realized something. I'm not ready to share all my problems with this site even though I only have one reader.

Am I comfortable with sharing my problems? I believe not. My family has no idea with what is going on in my life and I have little reason to tell them.

I think the reason I feel I am not willing to share is that I have little knowledge on the subject myself. I might talk about it much later on, when things are resolved, but no promises.

Am I being hypocritical? Even though my blog's description says this is the place for me to discuss my problems, I feel myself unwilling to discuss them. I seem to ramble on about generic items that reveal very little by myself.

Don't worry. I might eventually change my mind.

origin

Origin is defined by Webster as "the things or persons from which something is ultimately derived and often to the causes operating before the thing itself comes into being"

Sometimes I wonder how I got to where I am today. What caused certain things to turn out as they are. What could I have done to prevent my screwups? Ultimately I wonder how my current actions will affect my future.

How do my small actions affect who I am? Can one simple turn, one small step, really affect who I become?

It's not like it matters. It just makes me think of who I am and how I got here.